Today I write in relief. I write in peace. I write with ease and calm. I am truly excited about what the future will offer, what it has in store for us. Finally!!! The road has been arduous...
I am not a skilled enough writer to put down into words how difficult it was some time ago to hear that our 34 week old fetus was going to need 2 surgeries very close to birth. What I can tell you is that Matt and I spent 3 entire days in bed. Neither of us could work, eat, shower, brush our teeth, speak, the list is endless. We were crippled. One thing we knew, is that neither of us could tolerate, for even one second, to be apart. We strengthened each other somehow, even though we were both broken individuals, hopeless. No hope for the future, no hope that our baby was going ever going to be healthy, or survive for that matter, no hope that our baby was not going to have Down Syndrome. Yes, there was a time where it was very difficult to accept that our baby might have Trisomy 21 (T 21). I don't have the strength to discuss that now, but I hope to one day write Hazel's birth story. Her story started long before I was pregnant, another very challenging time for us.
Here we are 7 months later with our little baby girl, Hazel. As my eyes blur with tears and roll down my cheeks, I reflect. That same fetus that seemed so weak now has a face, and a name, and a smile. Most importantly, she is the farthest thing from weak. On the contrary, she is the strongest person I know (tears are uncontrollable at this point). Yes, she has T 21, and yes she had 2 surgeries before six months of age. But weakness is not part of her genetic makeup. I am hard pressed to believe that weakness is a part of anyone's genetic makeup, especially those with Down Syndrome. Hazel is thriving, and growing, and meeting milestones. The joy and hope she brings is tangible. It is an object in our home. It is real. She is real.
I have full confidence and trust that Hazel knows what is best for her and that she will, at all costs, demonstrate determination to persevere and succeed. She chose us...how lucky could two people be to gain such a priceless commodity. We have access to PURE JOY and EVERLASTING HOPE. Hazel...what a miracle!