We are finally home with Hazel (after having her VSD repair), from what seemed like a nightmare that was never going to end. She is still not 100% which is very difficult for all three of us. The best way I can describe it is, we feel like first time parents that have just brought their newborn home. Except our newborn has had open heart surgery, where there is a 6 to 8 inch incision on her chest, that bares wounds under it that only she can feel. We aren't quite sure what she is crying about, when she is crying. It's either her incision hurts, her teeth, her belly, her bum, shes hungry, she's tired...it's so hard to tell. So, we just go through the list and try to keep her as comfortable as possible. It is very difficult to console her when it is impossible to pick her up and snuggle her without it being uncomfortable for her. I thought the hospital stay was the hardest part but turns out, this is worse.
There are no words for how hard it is to look at your little baby, who is normally so happy and content, see the utter despair in her face and not be able to fix it for her. It breaks my heart to think that she is in pain and we can't do anything to make it go away. I am convinced that this is one of the hardest experiences in the world to face.
The good news is that we are in the comfort of our own home...I am not going to pretend that I didn't panic and take her to the peadiatrition today...but we are HOME!!! The other bit of positivity that I can share about all this, is that Hazel after a 2 hour crying fit, finally snapped out of it long enough to look up at me and actually laugh out loud. I didn't know whether to start crying myself or laugh along with her...so I laughed along with her!!!